Odd numbers, even numbers and flowers not to give

Counting the stems

In Russia, Ukraine, Belarus and much of Eastern Europe and the Balkans, flowers for the living come in odd numbers: one, three, five, seven. Even numbers are laid on graves and brought to funerals. Florists there count as they wrap, and will add or remove a stem without being asked. The rule is usually relaxed for very large bouquets, where nobody counts. In China, Japan and Korea the number four is avoided in any gift, because it sounds like the word for death.

Flowers kept for the dead

In France, Belgium, Italy and Spain, chrysanthemums are the flower of All Saints' Day on 1 November, when families take them to cemeteries. Giving them to a host is a mistake. In Japan, China and Korea, white and yellow chrysanthemums are funeral flowers too. In Mexico the orange marigold called cempasúchil belongs to the Day of the Dead. In Britain and North America white lilies are closely linked with funerals, though they are also given on other occasions.

Colour

White is the colour of mourning across much of East and South Asia, so an all-white bouquet can look like a condolence. Red and pink are the safe festive colours in China. In Russia a folk belief holds that yellow flowers signal a parting or unfaithfulness, though many people now dismiss it. Red roses mean romance nearly everywhere, which makes them a poor choice for a host or a colleague. When unsure, choose a mixed bouquet in warm colours.

Why the rules exist

Most of these customs come from keeping the flowers of the dead apart from the flowers of the living. A plant that fills the cemeteries every November, or a colour worn at funerals, carries that memory with it. The rules also change. Chrysanthemums are a cheerful autumn gift in the United States and a Mother's Day flower in Australia. What matters is the custom of the person receiving the flowers, not that of the giver.

How to take part

1. Ask a local florist what suits the occasion. It is the quickest way to learn the rules.
2. Count the stems before you leave the shop if you are in Eastern Europe.
3. For a dinner host, choose a modest mixed bouquet, or send flowers the next day with a note of thanks.

Good manners

• In many European countries, remove the paper wrapping before handing flowers over.
• Strongly scented flowers are unwelcome at a dinner table and in hospital wards.
• If you get it wrong, a brief apology is enough. Hosts know that visitors may not know the custom.

The flowers

ChrysanthemumAutumn-blooming flower with thousands of varieties, cherished in East Asia and beyondAztec marigoldThe golden-yellow flower of Mexican altars and Day of the Dead offeringsRoseWoody perennial plants with showy, often fragrant flowers in many coloursCarnationA fragrant flower with ruffled petals, grown worldwide for decoration and meaningLilyTall bulb flowers with large, colourful blooms in many gardens and cultures

Also part of it, and being written: Lilium candidum.

Sources and further reading

• Plant symbolism on Wikipedia